My miracle baby: Part 2

My baby’s surgery was scheduled for 8 o’clock on a Tuesday morning. We had to come one hour earlier for the pre-op prep.
At 8 o’clock, the anaesthesiologist and the nurses came to take my baby to the OR.
They allowed us a few minutes to spend with him before taking him away. It was broken-hearted to see him leaving through the hallway and not knowing if we would see  our baby again. There were other parents around us in the same situation that were crying. I was masking my feelings, I was holding back. I’m good at it.
We had to meet with the surgeon right away in his office before he could start the surgery. The first word that came out of his mouth when we went in was: Did you know that your baby has a VERY RARE AND SERIOUS disease!? You know, at first I didn’t want to operate on him, but I want to give the kid a chance. We don’t know how this will turn out ok? It’s all happening today!”
Like really!? That’s how a surgeon talks to parents? He’s talking this way while my baby is getting prepared in the O.R ! That was very blunt. I was mad at him for not reassuring us. It’s like he wanted to prepare us for the worst case scenario. I’m already prepared thank you doctort. But thanks God, we knew we had the best surgeon of the country and we always put our trust in God
 The waiting was terrible. I had a huge migraine that day. I didn’t want to think about my tiny little baby laying on a big operation table, surrounded by a dozen of medical staff, and placed on the heart-lung bypass machine… That’s huge and surreal .
 The surgery lasted for 5 hours, but they had to keep my baby two more hours in the OR because he had some complications. When they closed him up, his parameters started to drop, they had to cut him open again in order to stabilize him. Once he was stable, they left his chest open (and covered of course) and took him to ICU.
We met the surgeon again, and he told us he was very proud of the surgery. We could finally see our baby around 6 o’clock pm. 
 Even if I did nursing school and I am more familiar with the health field, no one can ever fully prepare you for that moment you see your baby for the first time after heart surgery.
It was not a human body we were seeing, it was a machine. We didn’t know where to look; he was all tubed, wired up, and was in a medically induced coma. He was on the breathing machine (among many other machines). He had a temporary pace-maker. His chest (sternum not so sternum anymore) had to stay open for a few days to let the swelling go down. I wanted to smell him and kiss him, but all I could do was grab his tiny hand.
That was so shocking but I shut down my emotions. I went into a survival mode. All I was doing the whole time is sitting next to my baby and praying for him. My husband could not stand staying all day long in the hospital. It was too painful. He needed to take his mind of things. He wanted me to do the same, but I didn’t want to, I was fine and I didn’t want to be away from son. My husband is not much of a talker (neither I am) but I could see the pain on his face. We didn’t need words, we had each others back.
 We were not allowed to sleep with our baby in the ICU, there were a family room for that. We slept there for the first two nights, but then, everyone was “forcing” me to get some rest at home. For the third night, I went back home with my husband and let my mom spend the night in the hospital. That is when I finally cried. I cried to Allah, begging Him to save my baby. I always slept with one of my baby’s blanket so I could smell him and fall asleep.
Before surgery, they’ve told us that my baby would stay only a few days (3 or 4) in the ICU. Those few days turned out into 5 weeks! The longest weeks of my life.
They kept my baby in a medically induced coma and intubated for 4 weeks. The first 3 weeks were critical; the head nurse told us that my baby gave them a hard time. His parameters were very unstable. We were sitting there, praying and staring all days long at the numbers on the monitors.
 When they finally started to slowly wake him up and extubated him, we were so excited. We could not believe it! That was a huge step to the recovery path! All the staff were also excited for us too. My baby was finally, finally doing better Al hamdulilah.
The withdrawal was pretty tough on him (and on us). I could see him in pain. He was shaking a lot, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. He looked so vulnerable. We were happy for his recovery, but at the same time, it was painful to see him going through this phase. He has been on so many unimaginable drugs! Every time I was seeing my baby suffering, I would put my hand on his forehead and recite him the Dua of Prophet Ayyub (as) :  “Verily, distress has seized me, and You are the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy.”
The 5th week was about getting over the withdrawal and the last one was about getting him fed (he had not eaten for 5 weeks), and then we finally went back home with our little mighty strong baby. The most exciting day of my life! I finally get to sleep close to my baby! My baby has hi own crib, but since he got back home, I did’nt want him away from me!
 I still can’t imagine how bad it was and how far he’s come, subhannAllah. The power of Allah is astounding! I’m amazed of how science has evolved! I’m incredibly thankful for the amazing staff of the ICU at the Montreal Children’s. They were so devoted and they provided high quality care to my baby.
When I look back, everything feels like a dream. It feels like someone else’s story. But every time I think about that period of my life, the emotions hit me so hard. It’s still painful. I was holding back so much back then and now I’m finally processing it. I need to cut myself some slack.
I enjoy and cherish every moment spent with my baby. I’m not allowing myself to complain about anything. Al hamdulilah 3ala kuli hal!
This trial was the most intense one in my life. Allah did really tested us. I accepted it and really put my faith in Him. I’m ready for whatever trial Allah wants me to have. I just pray that He strengthen my iman so I can be more patient inshAllah.
My baby is doing better and I pray Allah to give him full recovery inshAllah.
There is this dua that I kept saying all along: “Allahumma Rabba ‘n-nas(i), adhhibi ‘l-ba’sa wa ‘shfi Anta ‘sh-Shafi, laa shifaa’a illaa shifa’uk(a), shifaa’al laa yughaadiru saqaman.” 
“O Allah, Lord of mankind, remove all harm and cure, as You are the One who cures. There is no cure but Your cure; a cure that leaves no illness.
 
Meriem
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3 thoughts on “My miracle baby: Part 2

  1. Subhan’Allah! Reading this left tears in my eyes! Masha’Allah your precious baby is strong, may Allah give him strength and health, Ameen! You are one strong mama, and surely Allah has given you Sabr sis ❤ May Allah bless you and your family xoxo

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